tonight lets celebrate not being married
my shit smells like andre
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
