on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
two words...techno handjob
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
