I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
