my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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