Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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