Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
