i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
