she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
