so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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