There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Vodka?
Forever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
