someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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