And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize