Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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