There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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