I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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