dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
