not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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