The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
