Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
