And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
