really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
