I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
