If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
