he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize