Can Purell be used as lube?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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