Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
