were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
