I think I died a long time ago.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize