now i know why i became what i already was.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
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