This girl is more easily done than said...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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