No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I party with great urgency now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
