my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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