me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
