is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
