you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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