His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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