New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My life is pants optional.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
