omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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