I could make wine with my vomit
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
