so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
