We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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