I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
