accomplished twins. life is a go
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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