the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
