Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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