i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
