Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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