I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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