I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
