Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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