TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
