Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
