So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
