If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You're like the curious george of whores
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
