Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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