Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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