i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
