What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
