Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
