I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
