I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
