i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
