you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
