And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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