You work out of a Hotel?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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