Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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