i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
