Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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